Thursday, November 08, 2007

surviving

It has been a couple of weeks and I am still at square 1. It has been almost 4 weeks since I've slept in my bed, the last night I spent in my bed was the night before I broke up with her. Every night I drop asleep curled up in my futon by the large window, my favorite sleeping spot before she started staying over.

I haven't been back to the supermarket since things came to an end. It's a miracle I could survive so long on the food I had stored up but now there is nothing left.. if I don't go soon I'll probably starve to death.. lol or more realistically lose a few pounds :p. Much to the dismay of the other patrons we were very cozy and had lots of fun at the supermarket... so sad, going back will probably be hard.

Quite fitting the lady cranky posted on the topic the other day stating: Your supposed to bounce back, shinny and new. When they call your supposed to be able to pleasant and unhurt, say nice things, ask nice questions, your supposed to hang up with no regret, or at least hidden regret. I have such a long way to go, every time she calls(ignoring my requests for her to cease and desist) one or both of us ends up hurt.

Also not making things easier are the girls at work. The one who asked if I was gay when I told them I was single last valentines day brought up the topic of girlfriend again and of course to her the answer didn't change.. single. The expression on her face said a million words so I just explained to her I have yet to meet the right person for me and I wasn't going to pick up any slacker off the street to fill the void. Maybe it was how I looked.. you be the judge:
I am not normally too fussy with how I look but when I reached home one day this week I had to take a pic. I am not sure how I ended up with this shirt but I think it used to belong to my father at some point in time many years ago. The thing barely fits me and the wrist cuffs are a bit tight so they normally end up undone. This day I decided at work to just role them up to form this look I am unsure of. I felt like queer eye for the straight guy dressed me. I need to start dressing better and tear myself from my fortress of solitude and go back to my bachelor lifestyle (quite an over exaggeration by Renee)

19 comments:

Melody said...

U look like a somewhat sad & angry handsome man. U don't look gay -- not that ah expect all gay people to sport Shebada wigs, but U understand. If she hurts U when she calls, then U prob'ly shouldn't take her calls until U've healed.

Keep up Ur standards, regardless what Ur coworkers sayin', no sense in lettin' every enterprisin' female jump inna yu brief. God didn't make us to live like that.

Irie Diva said...

oh dear lord...
i know you're hurting but in this time of hurt please dont hurt with all of you! now, check out this lil post here on male work stuff and gits to work! http://fashionoverstyle.net/category/male-style/

:D

and stop taking her calls...seriously! let it burn, move on, you did the right thing.

marangand said...

Oh man...i feel for you....and as i said to CP..TIME will heal all, it may not seem so now but it will.....

Writing is very therapeutic too so whether u chose to do it publicly(on the blog) or otherwise....that will help......

and i am with IS and Melody.....Stop taking the calls...although i know deep down it makes you feel good that she is still calling...and that deeep down, you probably still want to hear from her!!!!!

Hush......Life and Love!!!!! One day you will look back at this experience and laugh

marangand said...

oh and i forgot to mention....change supermarkets...

GC said...

re When they call your supposed to be able to pleasant and unhurt, say nice things, ask nice questions, your supposed to hang up with no regret, or at least hidden regret
listen, it's your phone and it's there for your convenience. Not so somebody can call you and torment you. If you start ignoring her calls, period, maybe she will get the picture. I can't tell you what to do but you deserve your space and another person should be courteous enough to respect that.

Now about this queer eye business. It's very manly to look good and you look good and manly in that pic. Keep up the good work. Living well is the BEST revenge.

Crankyputz said...

Oh silly billy,

Your in a phase, a hump, a passing moment,

Get off the futon, and reclaim your bed, cuz beds really are the best thing in life.

Your good looking, and got a great blog...i agree with GC, looking hot is the best revenge..

U just got a case of Tabanka and it comes and it goes....

Crankyputz said...

ps, i wrote a cheer me up post just for you..

since i feel like my tabanka post, just depressed u more...

Adrian said...

@melody.. my standards are pretty low its a sad day when that criteria can't be filled.

@diva: your site has always been entertaining to me(someone who sleeps on his shirt then puts it on to go on the road) moving from my confused state of fashion is unpossible :p

@marangand: I <3 my supermarkets.. I don't really see an alternative to pricesmart out here.

@gc: manly is good.. thanks. ignoring the phone is hard when I don't have caller id :(

@cp: lol thanks for the compliments and the cheer up post.

Ann (MobayDP) said...

man...isn't life just a mess sometimes?

lol at your co-worker's comments. Ahhh my dear, people can be truly thoughtless can't they?

And I'm laughing even more at the fact that you're actually wondering if you're "dressing like a gay guy"!

That's truly funny :-D

I suspect you may have loved the young lady, Adrian, and being disappointed by someone you love is a hard thing to "just get over". But I do hope you will feel better soon.

Mad Bull said...

Ok, here is where I disagree with everyone. No, I am not talking about your mode of dress! You look fine, I used to dress like that sometimes.

IMHO, your ego is hurt because the girl was steppin' out on you. Why do I say that? Because you broke up with her earlier over some ish about her always wanting to go out and saying you were cheap, and that time you didn't seem to get anywhere near as low as you sound now.

My advice: Admit to yourself that its really an ego thing and get on with your life. Don't waste another minute on that girl! Not even one.

Oh, and you said you don't have caller id? Well, if you pick up and hear her voice, put the phone back down immediately. If you want you can string a few curse words together first, but don't, repeat DON'T listen to a word she has to say. Thats all it takes.

Hope I will not piss you off with this comment, but this is my reading of the situation based upon your posts.

TTYL.

Stunner said...

I know it's a hard, cold, lonely time for you now, but you need to start pulling yourself together man! I am not much of a guru on advice, but you need to stop talking to her on the phone and get her out of your system.

As for the dressing, well no tight pink shirt, no tight ass jeans, no Sprits up hair, don't look queer to me.

gela said...

Awwwww. Oh Adrian, break-ups can be so hard but listen, you'll get over it eventually. And there's nothing wrong with how you look.

owen said...

man fuck supermarkets!

Dutch Pot said...

Adrian - yuh hot! You really don't need to take hassle from an unappreciative soul yuh nuh!

I just show my girlfriend in Holland your link - she interested - LOL

If I pop up today - LOL - I hope I cheered you up!! You deserve happiness and nothing less, NEVER settle!!

Irie Diva said...

hear hear bread and pear!

puddown the phone, waapen to dial tone? i see u need to listen to some lady saw (a she sing dah song dere?)

Tami said...

Aww, hush boo boo, i know how you feel. I figured you like supermarkets because you got to push the cart, like that one time at mega. But hush yaw, things will get better when you least expect it. chuups

Tami said...

FYI - The pic looks nice, kinda metro ish, but at first the shirt looks like a blouse i had wearing to work, it might look sexier with a brown pants and brown shoes, but it works for u either way.

bobby agrees said...

Think MB has something there.
Change your number how hard should that be for you

jamsprint said...

I broke up wid mine bout 3 weeks ago.. much different circumstances though, but it's been tough. Just starting to piece back ma life together. As for those gay comments, don't watch that yute, people going to always have outlandish opinions - mouth mek fi talk, and some ppl don't use it well. Dat shirt sell off, but wha gwan fi di kimbo pose? Don't look so pop down man.. pick you self up, you have nuff support here in di blogosphere. I know its tough - ma gf thinks I was cheating on her because she started getting some random texts from someone talking about how I need "F" other girls etc the day after we broke up(which at the time was on good - honest terms). Now she don't even want to talk to mi... I might as well been f-ing other girls, cause i don't deserve dat issh..
Stop teking those calls if you wanna move on.
Life goes on..
Dats my 3cents